Sometimes the place we feel most comfortable is also the place we've learned to disappear.

Hey Reader,

What happens when you're not good at something right away?

I can spend an hour rewriting a paragraph until it says exactly what I mean.

But give me a camera and no script, and suddenly I'm wondering whether I can put two sentences together.

I've always loved writing.

I like having time to think about what I want to say, choose my words, and make sure they sound the way I intended.

I also like appearing polished. Like I know what I'm talking about.

I love that about writing.

I’ve also been hiding behind it.

That’s a strange thing to admit in a newsletter.

But something can be a part of who you are and still give you somewhere to hide.

When being good at something becomes a hiding place

Reader, maybe you’re the person everyone comes to when they need someone to listen.

You genuinely care about what they’re going through.

But when they ask how you're doing, you give the short version and turn the conversation back to them.

You’re good at listening. But how comfortable are you letting someone listen to you?

That’s what I’ve been questioning in myself.

I love writing, but I also love being able to decide exactly how much of me gets through.

It took me a long time to get comfortable on camera, and honestly, I’m still not very comfortable.

I rarely watch my own videos.

I host a podcast, Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health, and I don’t listen to that either. I cringe at the sound of my voice.

My approach has pretty much been: create it and keep going. Please don’t make me sit through the playback!

What I can't control without a script

But speaking without a script brings up something beyond hearing my own voice.

I can lose my train of thought.

Say something I would’ve rewritten.

Leave someone with an impression I didn’t intend.

I want to speak to you without needing a script.

But I’m uncomfortable letting you hear something I haven’t had a chance to revise.

And if you’ve ever rehearsed a conversation in your head, you might recognize that wish.

There’s something you want to say, but first you’re trying to find the wording that leaves no room for someone to take it another way.

When a client worries about being misunderstood, I often remind them that even the most carefully chosen words can't guarantee how someone will interpret them.

People hear us through their own experiences.

I can say that with confidence in a session.

But when I'm the one speaking, I still want to find the words that leave no room for misunderstanding.

Why is this still so hard?

I know I can't control how people hear me.

But knowing that hasn't made me any more comfortable speaking without a script.

Lately, I’ve been having long conversations with my partner and a close friend about the things we keep saying we want to do but haven't done.

We're tired of talking about those things without actually trying them.

For me, one of those things is speaking without having every sentence prepared.

Part of my frustration is that I’ve taken risks before.

I bought a one-way ticket to Thailand at 35.

I went somewhere I didn’t know anybody and built a life I hadn’t lived before.

And yet, speaking without knowing exactly what I’ll say still makes me uncomfortable.

Taking that risk didn’t make this one easy.

So if you’ve been thinking, “After everything I’ve done, why is this still so hard?” I can relate.

Writing gives me time to choose my words.

Without that, I start questioning myself, even though I haven't lost any of my experiences.

It’s hard to try something that makes you feel unsure when you could keep doing something you’re good at.

I’m certainly not giving up writing.

But I do want to know what I have to say when I haven’t worked it all out beforehand.

What have you been putting off?

Is there something you've wanted to try but keep putting off because you don't want to feel like a beginner again?

So I decided to record a video differently this time.

I sat outside here in Thailand, with flies buzzing around, a few notes to guide me, and no script to fall back on.

I let myself wander off topic, lose my train of thought, and keep talking instead of starting over.

I didn't cut those moments out.

You can watch me attempt the very thing I've spent so much time avoiding.

P.S. Sometimes being good at something gives you a reason to keep avoiding what feels unfamiliar. If that sounds like you, my free What’s Your Resistance Style Quiz can help you recognize what keeps getting in the way.

Talk soon.

With gratitude,

Frantzces